Every parent has been there. Your toddler suddenly bursts into tears because you peeled the banana, gave them the blue cup instead of the green one, or said it was time to leave the playground. It can feel like these meltdowns come out of nowhere.
While I am not a psychologist or behaviour specialist, I have spent more than 40 years working with babies, toddlers, and their families. During that time, I’ve learned that many tantrums begin long before the crying starts. The good news? Many tantrums can be prevented.
Why Do Toddlers Have Tantrums?
Babies and toddlers are still trying to understand the world around them. They don’t yet understand time. They don’t always understand the words adults are using. They don’t have enough words to explain how they feel. They are still learning how to calm themselves when they become frustrated, disappointed, tired, or overwhelmed.
Most tantrums aren’t about being “bad.” They’re about having big feelings without the language or self-control to manage them.
Routines Help Children Feel Safe
Young children love knowing what comes next. A predictable routine helps them feel secure and reduces frustration. When routines need to change, try preparing your child ahead of time. Don’t just tell them—show them.
For example, if Dad usually reads the bedtime story but has gone to help Grandma, show your child a picture of Dad and a picture of Grandma. You might say, “Daddy is helping Grandma tonight. Mommy will read your bedtime story. Would you like the puppy book or the kitty book?”
Will this prevent every tantrum? Probably not. But each time you explain what is happening, your child understands a little more.
Meet Needs Before They Become Meltdowns
Many tantrums begin because children are tired, hungry, overstimulated, or frustrated. Whenever possible, try to meet those needs before your child reaches their breaking point.
Sometimes that’s impossible. Maybe you’re driving home and supper isn’t quite ready. Instead of saying, “Stop crying!” try giving your child the words they don’t yet have. “I know you’re hungry. It’s hard to wait. We’ll have supper as soon as we get home.”
Your child may still be upset, but they are learning that someone understands how they feel. That is comforting.
Respond Before the Tantrum
One of the biggest mistakes adults make is waiting until a child is already having a meltdown before responding. Watch for the early signs: whining, fussing, rubbing tired eyes, becoming clingy, or losing interest in play. Those early moments are wonderful opportunities to help.
If your child uses signs, encourage them to sign eat, drink, more, help, or bed instead of crying. The more ways children have to communicate, the less they need to rely on screaming.
Sometimes Distraction Works Wonders
Young toddlers can often be redirected before frustration grows. Try doing something unexpected. Make a silly face. Pretend to sneeze. Walk like a penguin. Talk like a monkey.
Or offer a simple choice. “Do you want your green pajamas or your orange pajamas?” “Should we brush our teeth first or read our story first?” “Would you like peas first or peaches first?” Small choices help children feel like they have some control.
When the Tantrum Has Already Started
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a tantrum will still happen. When children are overwhelmed by big emotions, they usually aren’t able to listen to explanations or solve problems. Your job is to stay calm, keep everyone safe, and be the steady adult your child needs.
Once your child has settled, you can comfort them, talk briefly about what happened, and help them learn better ways to communicate next time. Remember, learning to manage emotions is a skill that develops over many years.
One Thing You Can Do Today
Birth to 6 Months — Use a calm, soothing voice when your baby is upset. Your calm helps your baby begin learning how to calm themselves.
6 to 12 Months — Create simple daily routines for sleeping, eating, playing, and bedtime. Predictability helps babies feel secure.
12 to 24 Months — Watch for the first signs of frustration instead of waiting for a full-blown tantrum. Respond early with reassurance, simple words, signs, or a change of activity.
A Thought from Cheryl
After more than 40 years as a speech-language pathologist, I’ve learned that babies and toddlers aren’t having tantrums to punish us. It’s nothing personal. They’re trying to make sense of a world they don’t yet understand, and they need our help.
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to stay calm when they can’t. By creating predictable routines, noticing frustration early, and giving children words they can eventually use themselves, we’re teaching much more than good behaviour—we’re teaching emotional regulation and communication. Those lessons will benefit them for years to come.
The Bottom Line
Tantrums are a normal part of growing up. You won’t prevent every one—and that’s okay. But by understanding why tantrums happen and responding before frustration boils over, you can reduce many meltdowns while helping your child develop language, emotional regulation, and trust.
Sometimes the best way to stop a tantrum isn’t after it starts—it’s before it ever begins.